College Football: Early Saturday Morning Rankings
Denver – Good morning, everybody! I hope your week went well. Iranian political leaders were seen rioting in the streets of Tehran, outraged at what they call the Two-Headed Monster of the United States! People are outraged! They are appalled! And they are alarmed that “community service” now means making Iranian leaders, Nancy Reagan and white po-lice officers angry!
I am not kidding you!
Anyway .. without further ado (sorry, I am late – I did not hear my alarm clock ring), here is this week’s College Football: Early Saturday Morning Rankings.
#1. Alabama (9-0) ROLL TIDE ROLL! I love to randomly yell that in certain aisles of grocery stores – ROLL TIDE ROLL! Last week, ‘Bama played an unknown school and crushed ‘em. Today, the Tide (ROLL TIDE ROLL!) will hit a massive speed bump in #13 LSU. Today is the final day Alabama is ranked numero uno, too.
#2. Texas Tech (9-0) Last week, the Red Raiders crushed Texas! CRUSHED ‘em! Today, a hot, blonde truck-stop waitress in west Texas will declare, “Next week, the Boys from Lubbock will be numero uno! Kiss my grits, Mac ‘Daddy’ Brown!” Tech faces #11 Oklahoma State in a pivotal Big XII conference game with huge national championship implications on the line.
#3. Penn State (9-0) Earlier this year, the Eitoap Press reported that head coach PapaJoe’s original playbook was among the many artifacts found inside an Egyptian sarcophagus. Today, PapaJoe’s team travels to “I owe wha?” to play in what should be an easy win for the Nittany Lions.
#4. Boise State (9-0) Last week, Boise State barely beat New Mexico State University, 49-0. This week, the Broncos play another team called the “Aggies,” and a similar close call is expected. Poor Utah State – they’ve got to find a way to play football on blue turf.
#5. Utah (10-0) Earlier this week, Utah pulled out a come-from-behind win over #15 TCU, 13-10. If anyone remembers, it was just a few years ago that Utah crashed the BCS party and nearly won a national championship. This year seems to be a rerun of that magical season and a date at BYU in two weeks will ultimately determine whether Utah is better off without former (and now Florida) head coach, Urban Meyer.
#6. Ball State (9-0) Once again, Ball State is still undefeated and untested. Once again, Ball State is this year’s Cinderella team. Soon, the midnight hour will strike and Billy Idol will yell, “She cried, ‘MORE, MORE, MORE!’ With a rebel yell, she cried, ‘MORE MORE MORE!’” I digress!
#7. Florida (7-1) Urban Meyer. Urban Meyer. Good thing he ain’t married to someone named Keith Urban. Anyway, Florida has been rolling lately, steaming towards a date in a BCS top-tier bowl game. Today, the Gators play Vanderbilt – losers of three straight – and Florida should have an easy game of it at The Swamp.
#8. Texas (8-1) Today, the Shorthorns face Baylor University as Texas’s schedule softens considerably. If only Texas had beaten Texas Tech. If only. Tsk. Tsk. Tsk. There’s always next year, right? ROLL TIDE ROLL! HaHa!
#9. USC (7-1) The Pretty Boys have been playing defense like no other team in the country since losing to Oregon State earlier this year. That trend continues today as #21 California comes to town. USC is rolling towards a date with #2 Texas Tech for the national championship – you read it here first.
#10. Oklahoma (8-1) Today, the Sooners have an exhibition game against Texas A&M. Next week, the Sooners host #2 Texas Tech. Then the week after that, the Sooners are at #11 Oklahoma State. Then after that, they’ll play #1 Alabama in the Laundry Detergent Bowl. ROLL TIDE ROLL!
#11. Oklahoma State (8-1) The Cowboys play at #2 Texas Tech today. In most years, I find the Orange Cowboys to be upset stalwarts – but not today. Texas Tech will roll over Oklahoma State like an asphalt roller crushes a pack of a rabid fleas.
#12. Ohio State (7-2) Today, Ohiostate Sucks U. is at #24 Northwestern. And some people were worried that Ohio state would screw up the 2008 Presidential Election? Just for that, I predict Northwestern will crush Ohiostate Sucks U today. Bye bye Buckeyes.
#13. LSU (6-2) The Tigers are at home against #1 Alabama today. Saturday Upset Special takes place in Baton Rouge. ROLL TIDE ROLL! Oh! Sorry, ‘Bama fans – your tenure as the numero uno team in college football ends today. ROLL TIDE ROLL! HaHa!
#14. Michigan State (8-2) UFC superstar, Rashad Evans wrestled at Michigan State. I once met Evans at Jackson’s Gym in Albuquerque, where we chatted a good bit. And because he’s the nicest guy who would brutally kick my ass, I am forever a Spartan fan. Purdue heads to Lansing for a brutal ass-whooping. Ouch!
#15. TCU (9-2) The Horned Devils lost last week at Utah and suddenly, the Mountain West Conference looks a lot like the Big XII: a league rife with cannibalizing teams. Next week: at home against Air Force.
#16. BYU (8-1) The Blue Coogs are off to one of their better years, record-wise. Then again, they barely got by a rebuilding Colorado State team last week. San Diego State is up this week; next week, the Coogs are at Air Force (which I will attend); then at #5 Utah for the season finale.
#16. Missouri (7-2) When the season first began, almost everybody in America thought that John McCain and Missouri would win their respective campaigns. Unfortunately for both, a dumb but hot chick spoiled their plans. Lady Luck has been unkind. Today, Kansas State rolls into town.
#17. Georgia (7-2) The Dixie Pups travel to Kentucky to play a team that was crushed by Florida last week. Must be nice to be a Georgia fan again, what with shattered dreams and expectations of a national championship hanging ‘round the campus. Georgia will never win a championship without Herschel Walker.
#18. North Carolina (6-2) I live in the middle of the country which means I despise all teams in the ACC, especially North Carolina and Duke. Unfortunately, UNC is doing pretty good this year and a game today at home against #19 Georgia Tech reminds us that basketball season is just around the corner. UGH.
#19. Georgia Tech (6-2) See above. ‘Nuff said.
#20. Maryland (6-2) See above. ‘Nuff said.
#21. California (6-2) Well east coast girls are hip and I really dig those styles they wear; and the southern girls with the way they talk – they knock me out when I’m down there. The midwest farmer’s daughters really make you feel alright, and the northern girls with the way they kiss – they keep their boyfriends warm at night. I wish they all could be California girls. Not a good day to play the #9 Pretty Boys of USC, California fans.
#22. West Virginia (6-2) Earlier this year, the Mountaineers were expected to score 50,000 points but unfortunately, former head coach, Rich Rodriguez left for more money at Michigan. Since then, neither school has scored more than a field goal a quarter. West Virginia plays a terribly struggling Cincinnati team today.
#23. Pittsburgh (6-2) Pittsburgh head coach, Dave Wannastepitup is a former Cowboy defensive coordinator and won lots of Super Bowls in Dallas. Cowboy great, Tony Dorsett, played college ball at Pittsburgh and later won lots of Super Bowls with the Cowboys. At least one of those teams is winning this year, okay?
#24. Illinois (5-4) A reader of the Green Couch is a die-hard fan of both Illinois and green couches and just because of that, the Illini are ranked this week. Such is life. Then again, with a head coach named Zook, anything’s possible for the Illini.
#25. Barack Obama (1-0) Barack Obama has been pledging that all universities, high schools and middle schools should force students to perform community service. I propose attending football games should be included as part of “community service.” This way, we can all go to all football games for free. I HEART OBAMESSIAH!
Paotie’s Saturday Upset Special:
#1 Alabama vs #13 LSU – ROLL TIDE ROLL! Alabama is a good team. LSU is a good team. But LSU is playing at home and sweet, exquisite revenge is on the Tiger’s minds after ‘Bama (and former LSU) coach Nick Saban fled to the richer pastures of the NFL before returning to college football. Even more tempting is the chance to play spoiler and LSU will not let that opportunity slip through their fingers. LSU 44-32.
Barack Obama vs Iranians – Not even a week after being elected and Obamessiah has already angered the Iranians. Obamessiah must be doing something right, right? WRONG! Someone please tell Mr. Obama to sit down, shut up and open his mind a wee bit more? I mean, he won the election but he’s already losing. Iranians 1-0.
See you later, gators ..
Paotie
Sphere: Related Content
LOL great Saturday morning college football read…I’m laughing as I sip my tea….
But….I’m a bit confused here…tell me, are the universities violating the constitution by making voluntary community service a mandatory requirement for graduation? How come no one has protested that? Because they’re not deaf?
I live in a university town, and many kids volunteer here…they tell me they have to, in order to graduate, and most don’t mind. Although, some do, but they don’t make a big deal out of it.
“…Because they’re not deaf?” just cracked me up. As long as there’s no fly in their Deaf soup, everything goes swimmingly.
A fly is green protein anyway…
I think it’s a good idea that college kids do volunteer service as part of their degree requirements. If the schools didn’t make it a part of their degree requirements, most students wouldn’t volunteer, if they can help it. They learn to get outside of their skins, away from computer games and the inane navel-gazing that comes with dating the opposite sex, and books. What books??? Ha, ha! Some things don’t change.
Yo?!
I wonder how Obama’s ideals of community servitude impacts the meaning of something called, “employed volunteer.”
HeH. HeH.
Enuff, politics…….Be nice to anybody who involve the community services. It serves for our country.
I’ve had a busy day.
Texas won today!
Gotta watch the PSU-Iowa game now. I really, really want PSU to play Texas in the BCS….Texas owes PSU in a big time. I’m hungry.
I talked with my oldest brother about the Texas Tech-Texas game last week. He is in a limbo right now. He is a Texas Tech alumni. For what I understood was that we both were born to an orangeblood. My parents were the Texas grads. That’s how we both have been very loyal to Texas for years.
Just give a credit to Colt McCoy ’cause he was born in New Mexico……be nice.
My guts tell me that Oklahoma will beat Texas Tech. Okla State possibly will beat Texas Tech….who knows?
LOL, “employed volunteer”! another oxymoron. How about “drafted volunteer”?
Maybe I’ve missed something, but the volunteer thingy is more than just one thing. I love the plan for “volunteering for America” called Integrate Service into Learning – http://www.barackobama.com/issues/service/
Alot of high schools are already doing this but only for students enrolled in the CIVITAS program. As for the plan for students in college, to do 100 hours of community service to save $4,000/yr, is a wonderful idea! Parents like me who have a kid in college, since tuition has increased (thanks to California’s own budget crisis) every $ saved means a great deal. As for the draft volunteer program, that is in place now, as my son had to sign up to “volunteer to be drafted in case the armyairforcemarines need him, this was last year when he turned 18 – - otherwise, penalty is jail or $ or whatever. They sent at least 3 threatening letters cuz he didn’t “sign” something right away – -forced volunteerism? Sigh. What can a mother do? Make him deaf? Canadian? Umm?
Anyway, Paotie, thanks for your football updates, Amo jogos de futebol. O Im perdeu com a sua tradução!
Sheri –
That is where Obama’s volunteering program could be similar to the G.I. Bill. Once you enter and stay in the military for approx. 3-8 years, they will give you amount of $$$$ per year and you can go to the college.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/G.I._Bill
WG, Guess we will have to wait and get more clear info of Obama’s plans aside from the info about service learning I just sent above.
FYI, just recieved this from a friend and thought to share in case anyone is interested:
____
If you plan to attend the 2009 Inauguration of the 44th President:
Visit inaugural.senate.gov and subscribe to their mailing list to stay in the loop. Then call your member of Congress (Representative or Senator) for free tickets to the swearing-in ceremony only. These tickets are limited because each member gets a fixed amount, and these are the only legitimate tickets for the inauguration. Members are not providing food, lodging or transportation along with the swearing-in tickets. Nor are we allowed to mail the tickets to your residence. You will have to pick them up from the office you requested them from before the Inauguration Proceedings. Proof of residence in the district may be required if you are fortunate enough to receive t ickets . Below is a statment released by Joint Congressional Committee on Inaugural Ceremonies
Tickets to the 56th Inaugural Ceremonies will be provided free of charge and distributed through Members of the 111th Congress. The Joint Congressional Committee on Inaugural Ceremonies does not provide tickets to the public. Members of the public interested in attending the Inaugural Ceremonies should contact their Member of Congress or U.S. Senators t o requ est tickets.
The public should also be aware that no website or other ticket outlet actually has inaugural swearing-in tickets to sell, regardless of what they may claim. Tickets will not be distributed to Congressional offices until the week before the inauguration and will require in-person pick-up.
“Any website or ticket broker claiming that they have inaugural tickets is simply not telling the truth,” said Howard Gantman, Staff Director for the Joint Congressional Committee on Inaugural Ceremonies. “Tickets for the swearing-in of President-elect are all provided through members of Congress, and the President-elect and Vice President-elect through the Presidential Inaugural Committee. We urge the public to view any offers of tickets for sale with great skepticism.”
You can watch the inauguration in person for free along Pennsylvania Avenue, but if you want a better view, the only way to is to ask your Congressman by getting on their waiting list (these tickets are standing only). Again, you can only get tickets for the inauguration from Members of Congress. Steer clear of anyone selling tickets now–they are bogus.
The tickets to the inaugural balls and the parade are not for sale yet, ac cordin g to the Joint Congressional Committee. Subscribe to their email list to be alerted when these tickets are up for sale. The prices of these tickets is not known. If anything else comes up you may contact the planning committee:
Joint Congressional Committee
Russell Senate Office Building
Washington, DC 20510
Phone: 202-224-2228
Email: info@jccic.senate.gov
On Obama’s new website, under the section where talks about youth volunteer programs – http://change.gov/americaserves/ -
I don’t see anywhere on the page that states that Obama wants to FORCE young people to do community services. He just said that he wants to SET A GOAL which is different from the word FORCE. I think it’s a great idea that Obama is encouraging young people to volunteer because from my personal experiences as someone who was awarded Presidential Service Award in seventh grade for doing over 50 hours of community services and in eighth grade for doing over 100 hours of community services, I feel that I’m more aware of the situations that we are facing today. Also, having done community service since at a young age has given me a passion and has lead me to many great paths such as starting my website, Cochlear Implant Online, when I was in eighth grade, illustrating children’s books in which the profit is going to various charities, organizing French-related events in high school which helped improve my French-skills, and many more examples that I can list.
I’m planning to apply to join Peace Corps after I graduate from college in less than two years! If I’m accepted, I think it will be an exciting journey of my life!
Last night I watched the Texas Tech – Okla State game. I was not impressed with Texas Tech’s QB, Graham Harrell’s performances because he has been avoiding being sacked. He threw too many incompletes. (?) He also never rushed through the offenses/defenses at all.
The two key sports anchormen talked about Graham’s performances and they did not impressed with his and did not think he will win the heisman trophy. I agree with the key sports anchormen.
I was VERY UPSET that LongHorns lost to Red Raiders in just the last 5 seconds of the game! VERY PISSED OFF!!!!
I will NOT watch any games til next year!