Denver – Good afternoon, everybody! I hope your day has been going well and that you are not contemplating the latest and most contemporary way to acquire a bigger house, cheaper! If you are, you are not alone! And! Plus! The bleeding hearts at Fannie Mae will forgive your debt because they care! They really, really, really care!

I swear!

I will now attempt to acquire a bigger house, more cash and fast cars -  FREE!

Dear Fannie Mae ..

I am ruefully rue. I owe too much money to too many people and my life sucks. I really, really, really wanted needed a super-fast gas-guzzling SUV. And I really, really, really wanted needed to fly to Brazil every month for the parties down there. And I really, really, really need want to live the life of a rock star.

But I cannot. I am broke and desperate.

I will not inhale again until I have the things I need want must have!

Please hold!

(Ringing 1 … Ringing 2 … Ringing 3 … (F) Hello?)

(HaHa!)

(Inside joke for deaf/hard of hearing people)

(Still holding … )

I feel bad for the 90-year-old. I mean, what kind of a bank forecloses on some old woman’s house? What kind of society do we live in when people have to try to kill themselves when they are 90 years old and in the process of being evicted by law enforcement people? What sort of sadistic, cruel world do we live in?!

I am not 90-years-old and about to off myself off. This means that there is a greater likelihood that I will appreciate your forgiveness for much longer – unlike some other people.

Anyway, I have to go now – I have must need want to exhale greatly – but the point here is that I want need my student loans, house mortgage, credit card payments, medical bills, automobile leases, and condo/timeshare payments/debts all forgiven. I know you really, really, really care.

So, please help a brotha out.

Please send me $500,000 COD.

With superficial regards,

Paotie