Random Moment of Quiet
Denver – Good evening, everybody! I hope you had a safe and great Easter holiday weekend! I bet some of all ya’ll spent time with your families and had great and hearty meals. I am also pretty sure a lot of you went to church and did what church-going people do best: judge!
HaHa!
I’m just kidding with all ya’ll.
Anyway, last week, we went to dinner at a fancy restaurant. It is a fancy restaurant because Paotie sweats in constant fear that the waitress will return with his credit card and ask, “SIR? YOUR CREDIT CARD HAS BEEN DECLINED.”
Great food lured us from across town to the restaurant, which we’d been to many times before. In fact, I always order the same special: buffalo steak and fries (big and greasy fries – just the way I like it), with iced tea and lemon.
As we sat at our table in the tightly-packed restaurant, my eyes scanned all around the restaurant. Everywhere I looked, I saw people scurrying about: some were servers; some were hostesses desperately trying to look overwhelmed; and a few were the occasional “I have got to go to the bathroom RIGHT NOW!” people making mad dashes to the bathrooms.
And speaking of bathrooms, ya’know, like, some people should really just go to the bathroom when they need to do some kind of .. bodily function. And I am not talking about flatulently farting in public, either!
I’m talking about people picking their noses!
I had noticed a couple sitting at a table near the front of the restaurant when we first sat at our table. The man was a white, black-haired and professional dude, sans tie. “Sans” means, “a cool, italicized word!”
I am not kidding you!
His date, well .. I sure hope the woman wasn’t his wife, if ya’know what I’m sayin’. I mean, she was the pretty-looking type: she had blond hair and looked to be primp and proper as if she came straight out of a Leave it to Beaver episode. She sat quite erect and I won’t say more about her pink sweater, other than the fact she seemed quite cold.
Aigh’t?
I pretended to innocently look around the restaurant from time to time because I didn’t want to be too conspicuous about the fact that I can read lips and that I also have a bad habit of people-watching in public. I stare a wee bit too much, which sometimes causes people to become quite angry with me and say things like, “What the fuck are you lookin’ at!?”
So .. the guy talked about how some dude at work was a sonofabitch and that someone else needed an “ass-kicking” or some such stuff like that. And while he talked, I also noticed the woman seemed to have felt a stiff breeze or draft enter the restaurant. A chill spread down my spine.
I watched the guy talk a bit more, and then clear out of the blue, he took a massive finger and shoved it sky-high up his nose! And then did the Twist! And then resumed talking as if nothing had happened!
I blinked, and then I thought I had imagined it because it had looked pretty damn grotesque to witness. As I rubbed my eyes, I decided to give him another chance – maybe my eyes had played tricks on me.
And then he GOUGED his nose once again!
I was repulsed! I was astounded! And I laughed out loud!
I calmed down after I explained to the girls why I had laughed. Except that they were very obvious as they looked back to look at the same couple. I chastised the girls for being so nosy, and after a few fits of giggles, we moved on and talked about other things.
But, being deaf, I am visually addicted to certain things. I cannot help the fact that my eyes are easily swayed by beautiful, odd, unusual, bizarre and even disgusting things, people and their motions.
What I mean to say is that eventually, my eyes found the same couple again. And this time, the man was clearly animated, telling the woman some story about his doctor or something. I felt relieved to be quite honest with all ya’ll because I did not want to laugh out loud again – my tummy was full.
For a few minutes at least, everything was calm and cool. Until he POKED and PRODDED his nose! And then wiped his hand on the white linen cloth on the table!
I was outraged! I was appalled! I had to say something!
Well, before I get to what I said, let me explain something to my deaf friends who might not know: in restaurants packed full of people, there are Random Moments of Quiet that blanket entire restaurants. If a person sneezed in the bathroom at the far end of a restaurant during a Moment of Random Quiet, it would be heard all the way out to the bus stop across the street!
I am not kidding you!
Quiet Moments that are Random happen for no real reason. In a weird convergence of luck, fate and coincidence, all known activity ceases to make a sound within a 500-yard radius of an ongoing Random Moment of Quiet.
You could hear a fuzzy ball fall during a Quiet Random Moment.
I had no way of knowing that the Random Moment of Quiet would occur at the same moment when I declared, “WHAT THE FUCK!? THERE’S A DUDE PICKING HIS NOSE! DIS-GUST-ING!” Everybody inside the restaurant – including the dude at the bus stop outside – had clearly and plainly heard me.
And then people looked at me angrily! People were furious!
And all I could do was laugh. I mean, what could I do? Shout out that I was sorry for being so loud? I’m deaf – people sometimes yell at me when I tell them I’m deaf.
Besides, it’s not like we can plan for those Random Moments of Quiet, ya’know? They just happen, although I’ve got to admit it happens to me far too often than I’d like.
Anyway, the point of today’s article is not about deaf people like me being too loud, and even if we are, it is not our fault! We are deaf! We do not hear! Remember, some of you hearing people have probably YELLED at a deaf person. You know who you are. Don’t lie.
HaHa!
I’m just messin’ with all ya’ll, can ya dig it? Ya’know what I’m sayin’?
The point of today’s article is that nose-picking is not cool. Not cool in public! Let me rephrase this:
DO NOT PICK YOUR NOSE IN PUBLIC
Aigh’t?
Just go to the bathroom, okay? Especially during a Quiet Random Moment.
Be good .. or be good at it.
Paotie
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You shouldn’t tell that story to elderly women such as myself who haven’t a Depends ready. I totally hear ya…I always said the loudest, most embarrassing things to coincide with sudden moments of total silence. WHY is that??!?!?
I feel your pain, dear Paotie!
LMAO! omg! And that picture is disgusting in a twistedly funny way!
I’m glad it’s way past dinner time.
OMG how’d you find a photo that matched nose-pickin’ and Easter bunny ears, of all things? Yah…:)
Oh my God– this is one of the funniest blogs you’ve written! Deaf eyes notice everything too. That’s the worst of it, because we see these things our hearing friends never seem to see. We just HAVE to say something. And then? Ohhhh– those random quiet moments– I have been caught too. My husband is losing his hearing so I have to talk loud to him anyway. This is another good reason to use ASL.
Gesturing?
When you see a passenger in the car, all he did was scratching his nose that you could not see inside of his nose.
Then you screamed and told everybody on the street that a driver has a passenger who got the booger in the car!
The lady on the street saw a passenger just scratched his nose. She came to you and told you that you got a *BIGGEST* misunderstood on the passenger’s scene! She reprimanded you as well.
Behind-the-scene could make us getting the wrong picture at the wrong place. Baaaaaad Idea!
Misunderstanding is something that we have to be very careful not to get the wrong idea for over a little thing.
Shame on you, darlin’!
Okay. Loved the blog, you kill me, but my favorite line was the opener about what people do in church…judge. You need to let yourself go and write one on that subject. I can’t even imagine what your pure and innocent self could do with that one…you’re adorable, Jodi
I used to be so embarrased to go anywhere PUBLIC with my deaf dad when I was younger. Its because he’d always be LOUD and say things that makes people’s head turn, especially during random moments of silence.
I out grew being embarrased, and grew a thick skin. But, looking back, I can now laugh.
But when it comes to somone picking their nose in public, I believe ettiquette calls for someone to be loud about it! There oughta be a law!
*Laughing”
Last year my son’s interpreter approached me with an embarrassed look on her face. She hmmed and hawwed before finally telling me that my son picked his nose when she interpreted for him and it was awkward. *Groan* I told my son about it and he almost died from embarrassment and since then he has not picked his nose in public. I, as a mother, did tell him to stop doing that and it went through his ears and it took a non-parental person to make him listen.
Oh well… some people like picking noses in public.
During the end-of-year performance at my daughter’s school, when she was four years old, the little ones were on stage waiting for their performance to start. She promptly looked around at all the parents, pulled her dress up over her head, then after she had lowered it, picked her nose. I’m still red.
K.L. hahahaha! Gotta love those preschool moments. I hope you recorded the entire scene so you can show it to her future husband.
LOL!
Preschoolers and kindergarten students with the nose picking/boogers…..oh yeah. Many parents filmed them onto the stage and saw *other kids* doing their nose-picking/boogers in front of the audience! I have seen many parents laughing at them when they were doing it!
Be prepare for your action if you have kids! Ready, Set, and Action!
Better get the video camera and make the DVDs for your little ones!
Oh yeah, we have it on tape. So does every other family in that auditorium. There has to be one little girl that shows off her undies. Why did it have to be mine?
You brought back a flood of far too many embarrassing memories of me deaf guy talking way too loud and being busted by embarrassed son or wife.
Great post, I laughed my tail off.
Kudos
What a riot…love the innocence of pre-schoolers. They’re definitely not judgemental…and agree that ya gotta write about those church goers who judge!
K.L….you kill me! That is hysterical! I am constantly surrounded by mini nose-pickers because I teach pre-schoolers. So disgusting! I always ask them where they intend to put it or flick it when they’ve finished…bleh, Jodi
I don’t think I could have sat any lower in the seat without being on the floor. Between hysterical laughter and simply trying to hide I could hardly watch the program.
KL– I hope it was a small audience so those around you knew why you were laughing hysterically. A lot of parents take their childrens’ stage performances seriously, and it’s embarrassing to go into *laffin* hysterics at such times. I’m sure I would have lost it if my kid did that.
Abbie– I work with a nose picker. It’s awful. I have purel by my desk and wash my hands constantly at work because I do not know what this person has touched. Between handling dirty grungy books patrons have puked on (not kidding!), and the usual germs in the office, I’m convinced the frequent hand-washing helps because I get sick far less often than anyone else. Though I wonder if the others think I suffer from OCD.
Ugh, I hate nose picking in public! That is what tissues are for dammit! I hate shaking peoples hands because you have to wonder just where they have been.
*shudders*
Going to go lather on the purel!
Well, it was the year end program for preschool one through 8th grade, in a large auditorium, so I wouldn’t call it a small audience. However, everyone else was laughing so much that I doubt they were too bothered by my laughter.
Interestingly, I talked with friends and staffs from the Elementary school, they told me that they have gotten neither sick nor flu for long time. That’s because they have worked with the students for over the years. Most of the staffs and teachers have never gotten the flu shots.
I find it interesting because many elementary students have touched and lived with the germs, even with the nose-picking all over the school! Many staffs and teachers evidently did not get it!
I have a SIL who is a nurse. She says you can never have too much of these sanitizing lotions. Washing hands frequently or pumping these sanitizers does wonders!
WG, As we get older, we’re more immune to many of the colds that plagues kids. That might explain why teachers and staffs at school not getting sick? I’m guessing here. I do remember being warned when my kids were younger by daycare staff that many kids are not immune to many of the virus that causes all kinds of colds, yet.