Monday Morning Weirdness
Colorado Springs – It’s Monday morning and time for your weekly Monday Morning Weirdness to get you jump-started for this week. If this past weekend offered anything, it was excitement: I alternated watching the NFL’s marquee match-up between the Indianapolis Colts and New England Patriots and NASCAR’s race in Texas. Both events went down to the wire with the Patriots winning their contest against the Colt, and Jimmie Johnson racing to a win and lead over Jeff Gordon for NASCAR’s series championship.
Of course, my beloved Dallas Cowboys spanked the Philadelphia Eagles silly last night, too. If there’s one team I dislike in all of football, it’s the Eagles. I’ll never forget the day the fans cheered when Cowboys receiver, Michael Irvin, was temporarily paralyzed after being tackled during a play. But before you Eagles’ fans turn rabid, consider this: one of my favorite players in the NFL is Eagles’ receiver, Hank Baskett. Since Baskett made the team, he has forced me to temper my ire towards the Eagle’s Nest in Philly, so I guess it works out. Still, anytime the Cowboys stick it to the Eagles, it pleases my soul.
Anyway, to get you started for this week, here’s the weird news for you to share with your buddies at work, family members who still think Halloween is the start of a 2-month holiday known as Christmas, or any random stranger that you want to start a conversation with. And well, of course, you can always laugh to yourself and say, “Life is stranger than fiction” as you read on:
- Juvenile and Domestic Relations Court Judge James Michael Shull of Gate City was removed from his seat Friday by the Virginia Supreme Court. Shull was removed for inappropriate conduct in his courtroom. Apparently, Shull flipped a coin to determine a child’s parental visitation status for the Christmas holiday – presumably in an attempt to inspire the parents to resolve the issue themselves. But that isn’t all – Shull also once required a woman to drop her pants so the judge could inspect a knife wound. When that wasn’t sufficient, the judge ordered the woman into his private chambers and inspected the wound again.
- Here’s the real reason why Shull was removed: A court bailiff testified that after the wound inspection, he asked Shull, “Did you see what that lady had on?” According to the bailiff, Shull replied: “Yeah, a black lacy thing … it looked good, didn’t it?” Shull was also censured in 2004 for calling a teenager a “Mamma’s boy” and a “wuss.”
Paotie’s PostScript: Well, I don’t know. I have to agree that flipping a coin is not always the brightest idea between warring parents though I appreciated Shull’s intention. The pants-dropping incident smacks of abuse, though, and it saddens me that a judge would view women as sexual objects. And it further saddens me that the bailiff would ask such a leading question, and sadder still that the judge fell for it.
I still want 3 minutes alone with Salma Hayek, okay?
- There’s the stupid, and then there’s the insanely stupid: you can buy a Boeing 727 for the paltry price of $269,900 and drive it through your neighborhood, pimpin’ in style. Somebody has posted to e-Bay an airplane converted into a limousine.
- The 12-ton bus/airplane/limousine is street legal and can be yours. Fifteen people have already submitted bids on e-Bay. The limousine can also be rented for $40,000 per week.
Paotie’s PostScript: First of all, the damn thing is in Chicago, of all places. If you live in San Diego, good luck with driving that beast across the country, and especially good luck to you if you’re brave (and stupid) enough to drive the thing through the Rocky Mountains. Mostly, if you rent it, you’re an absolute moron. Still, kudos to the inventor, who must surely have a lot of money and time on his/her/their hands.
- Thomas Dennison, 39, of England has one on Jesus Christ: he died, was cremated, and lived to tell about it. On October 12, officials found the body of a man who was thought to be in his thirties. An official assigned to that investigation believed the corpse to be that of Dennison and contacted his mother to request a formal identification of her son. She confirmed the body was that of Dennison.
- Dennison was found alive and well in a nearby town of Nottingham, and officials contacted his mother to inform her of the case of a mistaken cremation. Said Dennison’s mother about seeing the dead man (who has since been identified as a homeless Irishman) and mistaking him for her own son:
“I held his hand and kissed his head. I stayed with him for about 40 minutes and would have sworn he was my son,” she was quoted as saying by the Manchester Evening News.
“We held his funeral on Tuesday this week at Southern Cemetery and there were genuine tears, because Tommy is a lovely lad,” she said.
Paotie’s PostScript: There’s a silver lining to this bit of weird news: even though there was a case of mistaken identity, it still warms the cockles of my heart that at least somebody paid attention to the homeless man, who in all probability, died alone.
- There are nearly 3,500 Chinese people who have been named specifically for the 2008 Summer Olympics in Beijing. Most of the 3,491 people with the name “Aoyun,” meaning Olympics, were born around the year 2000, as Beijing was bidding to host the 2008 Summer Games.
- The Chinese have increasingly turned to unique names as a way to express a child’s individuality. With a Chinese population of over 1.3 billion people, 87% share the same 129 family names. One couple wanted to name their child, “A1,” while others have used the “@” symbol, which in Chinese means, “Aita,” or, “love him.”
Paotie’s PostScript: Kids: if your parents chide you for not eating all your food at dinner because of all the poor, starving and hungry children in China who would love to eat your asparagus, then remind Mommy and Daddy that we don’t live in China. And tell your parents that there’s too many people in China, too. Remind them that “abstinence” in China really means “wear a condom, stupid.” Anyway, I don’t want to piss off 1.3 billion Chinese, so I’ll stop here, okay?
Lately, there’s been a small chorus of people unhappy with me and my writings. These people tend to be fringe players within American society anyway, so it’s not like I care what a bunch of idiots think. But, in the spirit of this week’s weird news, I want to offer a suggestion to those of you who dislike my writings intensely: sing about it.
- Join the International Complaints Choir Movement. Kochta-Kalleinen and Tellervo Kalleinen – both artists – hit on their idea three years ago while pondering the Finnish word “valituskuoro,” which translates into “complaints choir” and refers to people complaining in packs. After starting more than 20 such choirs elsewhere, the Helsinki couple say they travelled to the United States to end “the tyranny of the positive attitude in America.”
- Said one woman, who sang about her ex-husband:
“When everyone’s singing your complaint, it’s very cathartic – it’s as if you have a lot of support for your complaint.”
Paotie’s PostScript: So, if you’ve got a complaint and don’t like the overly optimistic crowd, and want to piss and moan about, ohhh .. say .. moi, then perhaps you should join the Gripe Choir so you can feel better about yourselves.
Here’s to hoping you have a great week no matter where you are or what you’re doing. I’ll leave you with the lyrics that Bob Seger aptly sings for this week’s Monday Morning Weirdness:
Just take those old records off the shelf
I’ll sit and listen to ‘em by myself
Today’s music ain’t got the same soul
I like that old time rock ‘n’ roll
Don’t try to take me to a disco
You’ll never even get me out on the floor
In ten minutes I’ll be late for the door
I like that old time rock ‘n’ roll
Be good .. or be good at it.