1. Alabama (7-0) ROLL TIDE ROLL!! Last Sunday, I went to a Christian church and participated in Christian-like activities. You know how there is always some dude or woman who experiences some sort of feelings of divinity and then starts, like, raising their hands sky-high, roll their necks to and fro, and shout really weird things? Yah, well .. I did it, too. I mean, when the preacher finished a prayer, and right before everybody else went, “Ahh-men,” I yelled, “ROLL TIDE ROLL! HaHa!” True biz! Perhaps. Last week, the Tide CRUSHED #22 South Carolina, 20-6. Tide hosts Tennessee (3-3) this Saturday. Alabama 28, Tennessee 10.
2. Florida (6-0) Everybody thought Florida and Tim Tebow would TIM TEBOW Arkansas last Saturday, but it didn’t happen. Instead, Arkansas kept the game close by sacking Tim Tebow lots and lots as the Gators eked out a 23-20 win. One of these days, Florida’s offensive line has to start protecting Tim Tebow better or else Tim Tebow will get TIM TEBOWED and Florida’s season will be TIM TEBOWED. True biz! Up next: hosts Mississippi State (3-4). Florida 38, Mississippi State 9.
3. Texas (6-0) Lawrdy! Lawrdy! Lawrdy! Texas’ game with #20 Oklahoma last Saturday was a game for the ages: it was a nail-biting’-sitting’-at-the-edge-of-the-couch kind of game. It was the type of game that epitomizes college football: a hard-fought game. A terrific game. A fantastic game, even. Unfortunately, I did not see the game. True biz! The Longhorns travel to Missouri (4-2) so expect a good, ol’ Texas beat down: Texas 48, Missouri 24.
4. Cincinnati (6-0) The Bearcats steamrolled past South Florida last week, 34-17. I once almost met Pete Rose in Las Vegas during a shopping trip at Caesar’s Palace. In fact, I was excited at the opportunity to meet baseball’s “Mr. Hustle,” but upon discovering that I would have to buy an expensive piece of baseball crap just for Mr. Rose’s autograph, I felt .. well, hustled. So, I did not meet Pete Rose. And that is all I have to say about that. Cincinnati hosts Louisville (2-4) this weekend – expect the Bearcats’ to win, 42-15.
5. Boise State (6-0) The boys of Boise State will be making noise as they travel to Hawaii (2-4). Boys make noise, especially when there are hot blonde chicks around. Or hot brunettes. Or hot, exotic chicks from Hawaii. Boise State is in Idaho, where people have skin the color of potatoes. True biz! Anyway, the point here is that BCS rankings computer formulas frown upon close games, so if Boise State wants the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow, then they need to CRUSH Hawaii this weekend. Sorry, no hot blonde chicks for you boys from Idaho this weekend. Boise State 44, Hawaii 24.
6. Iowa (7-0) I-owe-wha?! is surging after desposing of Wisconsin last week, 20-10. So far, the Pittsburgh Steelers of college football are playing inspired football as the Hawkeyes head into the middle of their conference schedule. Hawkeye on M*A*S*H* was one of my favorite television characters as a kid. What would Hawkeye say about I-owe-wha?! and their season? “Lawrdy, Lawrdy! Lawrdy!” Iowa 30, Michigan State (4-3) 10.
7. Texas Christian (6-0) A 44-6 smashing of Colorado State last weekend proved to doubters that TCU is a legitimate, Top 10 team. In fact, we will find out if God likes Christians more than Mormons: TCU is at #13 BYU (6-1) this weekend in a Religious Rivalry. This is the sort of game that God cannot choose sides, or else he risks a Republican yelling, “You LIE!” Surely, God will nut up - in fact, lots of people seem to be sayin’ stuff like lately – and pick the Christians to win for a replay of last year’s TCU win. TCU 13, BYU 6.
8. USC (5-1) The Pretty Boys of college football barely sailed past #25 Notre Dame, 34-27, last Saturday. That was a game I did not watch, unfortunately, but I was there – in spirit. Yes. Yes. Indeed. The Trojans have been playing with a greater sense of urgency (though it seemed to disappear in the latter stages of the Notre Dame game), and the Trojans are still on the outside-looking-in for a shot at the national championship. Meanwhile, the Trojans host Oregon State (4-2) this weekend, and expect a blowout – that is their only real chance of improving their rankings. USC 55, OSU 1.
9. LSU (5-1) The Tigers were idle last week. This Saturday, LSU hosts a suddenly-imploding Auburn (5-2) team that lost to Kentucky last week by a lopsided score. A really, really lopsided score. Okay, maybe it wasn’t so lopsided. But it seems lopsided, aigh’t? I mean, Auburn lost to Kentucky, for goodness’ sake! Saturday, LSU will try to prove they are recovered from the loss to #2 Florida two weeks ago, while Auburn tries to recover their early season and undefeated form. But losin’ to Kentucky? C’mon, dude. Expect the Tigers to win. Mark my words! LSU 31, Auburn 0.
10. Oregon (5-1) The Ducks were idle last week. I always liked the Oregon uniforms: they are green. Lots and lots of green on their uniforms means that I am a fan of Oregon football. Yes. Yes. Indeed. Like PAC 10 rival, #8 USC, Oregon needs to run up the score on teams they play: college football rankings computers give bonuses to teams that win games by more than 50 points – that is a fact! Unfortunately for Oregon, they host a tough Washington (3-4) team that kicked USC off the unbeaten pedestals of college football earlier this season. Expect a close blow-out. Oregon 44, Washington 28.
11. Georgia Tech (6-1) Last week, the YellowJackets clipped #15 Virginia Tech, 28-23 in a close game that I did not watch, neither. And to my surprise – and everyone else’s, too – the Yellowjackets shoved Virginia Tech aside and said, “Lawrdy, Lawrdy, Lawrdy – bring us Virginia!” Yes, indeed. Georgia Tech travels to Virginia (3-3) this weekend, and expect the Yellowjackets to continue their winning ways. Did you know Virginia lost to William & Mary, 26-14, on September 5? Do you even know what the mascot is for William & Mary? It is called, “Tribe.” William & Mary Tribe. Weird, dude. Georgia Tech 38, Virginia 6.
12. Oklahoma State (5-1) In beating Missouri 33-17 last week, the Creamsicle Cowboys proved that their early season loss to #18 Houston may have been a fluke. The Cowboys seem to be firing on all cylinders without suspended star receiver, Dez Bryant, and ain’t no reason to expect the Cowboys to falter without Bryant as the season winds down. Cowboys host Baylor (3-3) this Saturday. OSU 28, Baylor 3.
13. BYU (6-1) The Mormons trounced San Diego State last week, 38-28. I once went to San Diego and played golf at the nearby and fabled Torrey Pines golf course, and scored a 71 on the South course. Whenever people on golf courses inquire about my handicap, I always tell ‘em, “I am deaf.” And then they always reply, “Ahh .. so that is why you are so good at golf!” Yes. Yes. Indeed. BYU hosts #7 TCU this weekend in a Mormon Grudge Match: TCU 44, BYU 38.
14. Texas Tech (5-2) Every year, Texas Tech produces high-octane offenses with quarterbacks that never make lasting careers in the NFL. Why do Texas Tech quarterbacks not do so well in the NFL? It is the system. Texas Tech’s offensive system is the envy of college football, and after a slow start, the Red Raiders are becoming systematically rowdy down in Lubbock: last week, Tech won at Nebraska in a wild shoot-out, 33-10. This Saturday, Tech hosts Texas A&M (3-3) in Lubbock. Texas Tech 888, Texas A&M 42.
15. Virginia Tech (5-2) Last week: lost at #11 Georgia Tech, 28-23. Idle this weekend. Up next: at North Carolina (4-3).
16. Penn State (6-1) Head coach PapaJoe’s Nittany Lions CRUSHED Minnesota, 20-0. PapaJoe’s team is executing plays well. Yah, well .. like, I’d like to see YOU come up with something interesting to say ’bout them, dude. I mean, their uniforms are awesomely bland. They play conservative offense and defense – predictable stuffs. And yet, year after year, teams repeatedly try to beat PapaJoe’s wisdom and fail. Just like Minnesota did last week. Unfortunately, the Nittany Lions travel to Ann Arbor, MI to face a surging Michigan (5-2) that seems to have overcome early season miscues. Upset Special: Michigan 33, Penn State 31.
17. Utah (5-1) Last week, the Utes went to Nevada-Las Vegas and throttled the Runnin’ Rebels, 35-15. Right about now, we’ve got to start determining what is a blow-out or what is not a blow-out win. If a team wins by 20 points like Utah did, is that a blow-out? Or if a team wins by 50 points, is that a blow-out? Indeed. But do close blow-outs count? I think not. In other words, Utah needs to win by larger margins to creep up the rankings, and unfortunately, pesky Air Force (4-3) comes to town. Expect a low-scoring affair: Utah 33, Air Force 22.
18. Houston (5-1) Houston galloped over Tulane, 44-16, last weekend in a game that few people watched. I didn’t. Did you? Of course not. Anyway, the Cougars host another of God’s teams – Southern Methodist (3-3) – and expect God to not like his own team once again: Houston 55, SMU 7.
19. West Virginia (5-1) The Mountaineers seem to be doing quite well given that former head coach, Rich Rodriguez fled to Michigan, and last weekend’s drubbing of Marshall (24-7) is evidence that Life After Rich is gonna be fine and dandy. And sadly, this week’s opponent – Connecticut – lost a teammate early Sunday morning when a starter was killed during a fight at a school-endorsed/sponsored dance, so there is no telling how the players will respond. But something tells me that both teams will show class and mutual respect, so I will not pick a winner for this game since I believe both will come away as winners.
20. Oklahoma (3-3) Now that quarterback Sam Bradford’s shoulder is done for the season, the Sooners can focus on his replacement, Landry Jones, and get him up to speed. Not that Jones hasn’t been up to speed, having played well in spelling for Bradford, but Jones’ lacks the experience that the veteran brings. Still, for a redshirt freshman, Jones seems to be maturing quickly as the season progresses, and despite the Sooner’s loss to #3 Texas last weekend, much hope remains that the Sooners can still be relevant in the BCS picture. Up next: at Kansas (5-1), which lost to Colorado, 34-30 last week. Colorado, dude. Oklahoma 45, Kansas 14.
21. Ohio State (5-2) Last week, lost at Purdue, 26-18. Up next: host Minnesota (4-3). OSU 28, Minnesota -15.
22. South Carolina (5-2) Last week, lost at #1 Alabama, 20-6. Up next: host Vanderbilt (2-5) South Carolina 36, Vanderbilt 10.
23. Pitt (6-1) Last week: won at Rutgers, 24-17. Up next: host South Florida (5-1). Pitt 27, South Florida 26.
24. South Florida (5-1) Last week: lost at home to #4 Cincinnati, 34-17. Up next: at #23 Pitt (6-1). See above.
25. Notre Dame (5-1) Last week: lost at home to #8 USC, 34-27. Up next: hosts Boston College (5-2) Notre Dame 38, BC 35 (2 OTs)
Paotie’s Upset Special: #16 Penn State vs Michigan I once worked with a guy who played football at Michigan, and the dude had Michigan shirts, hoodies, stocking caps, sweat pants and suits, wrist bands, drapes, socks and a even a car – all yellow and navy blue. Ugly, dude. Anyway, Michigan started the season in slow fashion but lately, optimism has resurfaced in Ann Arbor, and that means trouble for Penn State. Expect a close game and expect Michigan to prevail – a win over a ranked team would mean that the Wolverines may soon return to college football’s elite under Rodriguez’s tenure. Michigan 33, Penn State 31.
Be good .. or be good at it.